34 weeks 6 days

It was on this day in my pregnancy with the boys they were delivered. Yeah, this has been on my mind all day long. On one hand, I feel like, "Hey, the boys did great when they were born this early. So if she comes at any point now, that's a-okay." On the other hand, the thought of delivering another baby and recooperating scares me to death. So much so I've been having full blown panic attacks about it. The first week I knew I was pregnant, it felt like a death sentence and this fear has returned now that her arrival is so close. I've been reassured by all my doctors that this is a completely different pregnancy and I shouldn't go through what I did after I had the boys. The only problem, though, is that no one could pinpoint why I became pancytopenic. My bone marrow shutting down is not a normal symptom/complication with endometritis. The thought keeps crossing my mind that what if that's just how my body responds to having a baby? And then that thought turns to what if it happens again but this time I'm not as lucky? I know that's horrible thinking, but I tell ya, I'm pretty anxious about this birth! I just don't have a very good track record.


That aside, I've been wanting to write down the big comparisons with carrying twins versus a singleton. I feel so blessed to have been able to do both!

• Carrying a singleton has been much easier on my body. It's only been until recently that I've become more uncomfortable. I just remember near the end with the boys that just getting up and going to the bathroom really wore me out!
• Feeling the baby move is completely different. With the boys, I never really knew who I was feeling or what possible body part it was that I could feel. With one, you can tell what position the baby is (and if I don't know, Eric with his doctor knowledge can feel the baby and tell me...pretty neat trick he has!)
• The entire pregnancy with the boys progressed so much faster than with just one baby. I felt pregnant earlier. I showed earlier. I delivered earlier.
• I was monitored more with the boys. Although I've still received more ultrasounds with this pregnancy than most do, it still feels weird not to be monitored as much!
• Overall, I had more intense symptoms with the boys. Worse morning sickness, numbness/pain in hands, swelling in hands and feet, shortness of breath, dizziness, even being emotional. If I had it with the boys, it was way worse than with this pregnancy

And here's the ultimate comparison...me at 34 wks 6 days with both pregnancies:

Yeah, I had a way bigger belly with the boys!